I’ve been thinking Thursday: Mean

We all have our private peccadilloes we don’t share with people no matter how open we may seem. I am no different. For a few months now I’ve been doing DBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I won’t go in to all the reasons this came about. This is just the ground work for the story to come.

We’re doing a module on Interpersonal Effectiveness.

Yes, everything has  snazzy name. This module could have been called “how not to be a dick and how to not accept dickish behavior from others.”

When I am talking to someone 75-80% of my brain is fully focused on them and the remainder is stringently editing all the things that come to mind to say. I agreed, as part of Interpersonal Effectiveness, to stop doing that for a week. To listen 100% in the moment to what the other person was saying and then to use the standard 3 seconds social pause to plan my reply.

Twice this week I was told I was mean.


This leads me to consider other ways in which my brain works. Sure I can write 48K words in 6 days. My brain is that fast. All I have to do is put in the hours.

Then it needs to be stringently edited for a year before it’s ready for human consumption. LOL

Why should I treat talking any differently?


10 thoughts on “I’ve been thinking Thursday: Mean

  1. Very intriguing topic. I agree with Audrey. I like writing so much better than speaking because of the time it allows to consider the words and their potential consequences. I don’t think I decide what to say back the whole time the person is talking, but I think about it a little before it comes out of my mouth. Mostly, part of the time, I hold back talking about how it relates to myself. Sometimes I think I still do that part a bit too often. But since I suffered from huge anxiety regarding small talk in general and was debilitated by it, I try not to edit myself too much – in other words I try not to worry about it – other than whether to answer at all beyond, mhm or oh, that’s great, or whatever just affirms them and let’s them know I’ve heard them. If I do talk, I most often say what’s in my head in response. Rare cases, mostly in my customer service job, I bite my tongue. But now you’ve got me interested to monitor this and be sure I’m lining up with what I think I’m doing. Interesting indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

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