We all have our private peccadilloes we don’t share with people no matter how open we may seem. I am no different. For a few months now I’ve been doing DBT, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I won’t go in to all the reasons this came about. This is just the ground work for the story to come.
We’re doing a module on Interpersonal Effectiveness.
Yes, everything has snazzy name. This module could have been called “how not to be a dick and how to not accept dickish behavior from others.”
When I am talking to someone 75-80% of my brain is fully focused on them and the remainder is stringently editing all the things that come to mind to say. I agreed, as part of Interpersonal Effectiveness, to stop doing that for a week. To listen 100% in the moment to what the other person was saying and then to use the standard 3 seconds social pause to plan my reply.
Twice this week I was told I was mean.
Yup.
This leads me to consider other ways in which my brain works. Sure I can write 48K words in 6 days. My brain is that fast. All I have to do is put in the hours.
Then it needs to be stringently edited for a year before it’s ready for human consumption. LOL
Why should I treat talking any differently?
T.A. Henry 
I’m also guilty of not focusing 100% on the person talking. Now I’m afraid if I tried what you did, I’d get the same results, lol. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called mean.
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LOL. I feel bad about it.
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I do not see mean there. I can only do (listen to///think) one thing at a time. It is a limitation, nothing more.
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Hugs
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My brain at best a 75/25 thing – 75% on whoever (including me) and 25% on ‘I’ve forgotten’
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ROFL. Well the experiment is over. I am back to heavily editing.
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These Thursday thoughts are worth reading. They make me think about stuff I might not have, otherwise.
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That is such a huge compliment. Thank you.
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You’re welcome!
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Very intriguing topic. I agree with Audrey. I like writing so much better than speaking because of the time it allows to consider the words and their potential consequences. I don’t think I decide what to say back the whole time the person is talking, but I think about it a little before it comes out of my mouth. Mostly, part of the time, I hold back talking about how it relates to myself. Sometimes I think I still do that part a bit too often. But since I suffered from huge anxiety regarding small talk in general and was debilitated by it, I try not to edit myself too much – in other words I try not to worry about it – other than whether to answer at all beyond, mhm or oh, that’s great, or whatever just affirms them and let’s them know I’ve heard them. If I do talk, I most often say what’s in my head in response. Rare cases, mostly in my customer service job, I bite my tongue. But now you’ve got me interested to monitor this and be sure I’m lining up with what I think I’m doing. Interesting indeed.
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