Tel me lies, tell me sweet little lies, tell me lies

I prefer the truth. Even when it hurts.

The truth is I have lost all momentum since I heard that ABNA is no more. It feels like I have all the time in the world now to finish editing this novel. Or at least until August when I need to wrap up so I can spend September and October researching for this year’s Nanowrimo. A deadline so far out in the future lends itself to slacking.  I have vastly been slacking.

On writing anyway. In the real world I have been as busy as a beaver in flood season. My son is now officially home schooled. I am thrilled. He is happy. This all makes the hubby happy. So things are good. Except I am still trying to get everything together. Everyday is a new adventure. I have no schedule to speak of yet. I’m still hammering it out slowly as I figure out how to juggle all the things I used to do plus 24/7 kiddo time and my new role as his primary educator.

I think I might have to adjust my commitment to this blog. Once a week I think now. Sorry folks but I will try to include more snippets from my novel to make up for it.

Wednesday at write in I only got through half a chapter before my laptop ran out of battery, oops. At least I managed to charge it for today. I’m at the Friday write in, trying to help my son do some school work while I write this blog and try to edit some more. It’s a good thing I’m female and genetically predisposed to multi tasking, I need it today.

But my eggs and bacon just got here. Til next time.

Vast Expanse of Flatness

Have you ever had one of those days where you put so much energy and passion into stomping on the little fires that pop up everywhere that when it comes time to actually be creative, you have nothing left? The sign just keeps reading “Sorry, no faculties” (Hi, Sheri) and a vast expanses of empty flatness with nothing as far as the brain can see.

That is the sad state I found myself in this evening. And I didn’t even realize it at first. I blew off a lot of steam at the start of write in bitching about things that had gone wrong this week. Then I tried to edit, and that sort of worked but not really. I’ll be gong back after a good night’s sleep to repair that job. Finally I gave up and started to write my Wednesday night blog. Bam, blank brick wall. I found myself starting to write a laundry  list of excuses why I haven’t been editing this week. Seriously? That’s all you got? Give it up now girl. Pack it in and go home. The long, dark drive and some Jack FM always gives you ideas.

So that’s what I did. And I realized that all day I had been coming up with crazy ass solution to last minute problem created by other people, no wait, that was Tommy Lee Jones. But I had been coming up with creative solutions to little problems that grew on their own. LOL. I am an adult after all.

So where am I at? I so creatively got my son to wash his hands in a public bathroom at the mall today, that a perfect stranger paused to lean in and tell me I was a really fun mom. Yep. Handled that.

I have done jack all for editing this week. But that now matters not at all because there will be no ABNA this year. That’s right folks, if you haven’t heard, Amazon announced it will no longer be holding ABNA. Instead they want you to do KindleScout. Check it out, if you like. I am still in the air about it.

And really I don’t need to make a decision now because I don’t have anything to enter even if I wanted to do. I am still a work in progress. I mean novel is still a work in progress. Aw hell. The first one is definitely true.

Sometimes I just want to take the easy road

I must admit there are days where I just want to do what’s easy and say to hell with what’s right.

Some days the sheer effort to teach my son what’s right and why it’s important to do what’s right even when he sees people left, right, and center NOT doing what’s right, exhausts me.

Some days the never ending battles to teach him responsibility for himself and to others, to think before acting, and help him learn to make right choices seems like more than one human can handle. (Editor’s commentary, I do have a fab hubby who sadly works more than hour each way from home for a major tech company. It is completely understood up here when you refer to yourself as a “Company X widow”.)

Wouldn’t it be easier to just to let my child languish in school, even if it destroys his soul?

(Please don’t read this as a statement against those whose children are thriving in full day, half day, or other kinder. My son simply is not.)

I would have so much time to write and yoga and walk the dogs. My house would be spotless. I would cook gourmet dinners every night.

But then I realize if I was the kind of person who took the easy way out I would probably have very little to say that would interest anyone. In fact I think my novels would be as empty as my soul would have to be.

I start to wonder is it really that important that I write this novel? Does it really matter if I get this all edited and polished in time for ABNA this year?

And my answer must be two fold.

No, it’s doesn’t matter. ABNA will come again next year.

And yes, it does. I cannot model being a robust functional compassionate member of society to my son without something for myself. This is what I do for me.

I know this post had little to do with editing. As I was working this morning at the write in (which I left early to get my son from school), I kept thinking oh I should talk about this in my blog today. But when I sat down to write, this is what appeared on my screen. I did edit three more chapters today. I found a few entertaining typos, like begs legs. um what? oh, yeah, bed legs. Clearly my brain was ahead of my fingers.

As practically an aside, this morning at the write in we talked about my post regarding the nature of writing and everyone at the table agreed that their characters were all in control no matter what they as the author thought. One good friend even said that’s why she thought outlines were pointless. The characters always changed the direction once you got started.

I will share one of the lines I came across today that amused me.

“Oh.” There was little else to say to a pilot with one arm.

giggle. I don’t know why that amuses me so. Perhaps that my characters are as flawed as the rest of us and occasionally find themselves tasting their own toes. Maybe that’s it.

Yes, I know, I lied

I said I would post twice a week while editing and then I missed my second post last week.

I got sick. My husband brought home a nasty cold flu thingy on the plane after our Cali jaunt at New Year. Then he gave it to my son who, once ill, insisted on sleeping on my pillow until I got sick as well. The never ending joy of children.

So the truth is I haven’t written since last Wednesday’s write in. In fact I don’t think I even did any research while ensconced on the couch with tissue and chicken noodle soup(minus the noodles).

But I am now healthy (90% anyway and that’s as good as it gets for a mom). And tonight I got good editing in. Five more chapters. Only I’m a little worried about my time line. ABNA is going to open in about a month and I am still editing this mess for submission and I haven’t even started on my pitch. Oops. Ok. I got to get this together.

New plan.


Yeah, I got nothing. LOL.

The reality is I don’t know if I can pull off another month where all I do is write. November was a lot to ask of my family. Another “gee, honey I need to do it again for the next three weeks…” I’m thinking no.

So where can I scrape out say an hour a day when I am functional?

I think I will have to stop playing on facebook while I drink coffee in the morning. I think instead I will edit like the wind. I know what you are thinking and you might be right, I might be a lousy editor before a cup of coffee. But it will beat all the editing I am not doing right now, hands down.

I won’t win ABNA. I am good with that. But I do want to get far enough along that I get feedback and to have any chance of that, I need to actually finish. Time for serious effort.

Talk to you soon with an update.

I wish the real world would just stop hasseling me…

As I was driving home from write in tonight I was thinking a lot about what I was going to write in my blog. The truth: edited 2 chapters tonight because I couldn’t stop debating the new Star Trek time line versus the old one long enough to get into a groove, was soooooooo boring. That isn’t even a post worthy of publishing. So as I was saying, I was thinking a lot and listening to Jack FM. I love Jack FM. 95% of the time it plays exactly what I want to hear. The other 5% it plays songs that are ok and on the rare occasion it plays something I don’t like well I flip over to the classical station which oddly enough is on the exact same frequency number as the one I listened to when I lived in Cali. Where incidentally I had 12 radio stations programmed because they all more or less sucked the vast majority of the time, so I listened to classical almost constantly. But here I have two stations: Jack and the classical.

Where am I going with this? This song came on. I don’t even know who sings it, but the guy is wondering about what it’s like to be different things. And one of the things he says is I wonder what it would be like if they all did just what I said. Of course this started me thinking about that. I don’t actually fantasize about my husband or son doing what I say but my characters in my novels. Now, if you don’t write you are probably thinking um isn’t that how it works, I mean you write the novels, you make up what they say and do. Shaking head, how little you know. If only it was that easy. I’ll let you in on a secret, my characters have minds of their own. They demand things. They insist on scenes and locations and refuse to work with other characters because they don’t like them right now. It’s a flippin three ring circus in their some days. In where you ask?

The dark corners of my mind where plots, characters, and witty repartee spring to life fully formed like Athena from Zeus’s head.


I tried

I really tried to come up with a fun song about Friday that I liked and that I could play with the lyrics for tonight. Yeah. Not happening.

Clearly I have already used all the good Friday songs during Nanowrimo.

Friday morning’s I usually managed to go to the first half of the Friday write in. Today however, my son had a play date, where he went home on the bus with the other little boy, so I was free until 230. Damn, baby, Free from 835 til 230. I’d like to say I hardly knew what to do with myself but the truth is I was jamming from the second he got on that bus til I picked him up.

So the write in, first on my list. I’d like to say I maintained my fortitude and worked like a mad woman but the truth is I don’t tell lies of that magnitude. laughing. I opened my schrivner nano file and discovered that all my good work from Wednesday night was gone. At that moment I ordered a latte and spent an hour chatting with Alex.

I eventually got three chapters back to corrected form, I think, maybe. Ok, hell if I know.

I will never be ready for ABNA at this rate.