gonegirl – T.A. Henry

I tend to avoid overly hyped things. Ergo, I waited quite some time to read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Ad really I only read it now because I knew I would be clocking lots of hours in the car driving between the new house and the old house, and it was available on audio book and 20 plus hours long.

In case you are the .079% of the population who doesn’t know what this book is about…

Basic Summary (Courtesy of Goodreads):

On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy’s diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge. Under mounting pressure from the police and the media—as well as Amy’s fiercely doting parents—the town golden boy parades an endless series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter—but is he really a killer?

My thoughts:

I wouldn’t say this book was spellbinding or the best thing written this year (comments from goodreads reviewers). In fact, I spotted all the how’s before they were revealed. Sure I knew going in she wasn’t really missing (you can’t be alive today and not know that). I’m talking about all the “how she set him up” reveals. For example, the second Noelle announces Amy is pregnant, I knew Amy wasn’t and that somehow she got Noelle’s pee to fake the results. It just wasn’t “shocking.”

It was pleasant to listen to. A slow undulation of two people fully destroying each other. But I was pretty ok with that, they signed up for that. I was even ok with the Desi thing, he was pretty slimy himself.

The ending is what makes me hate this book. I know quite well what it is like to grow up with a mentally unbalanced mother and a father who avoids her and by extension you. I felt my blood boil listening to those last few minutes. I do not like this book anymore. It is forever tainted by the life time of suffering awaiting that child.

Lately I’ve been listening to Gone Girl on audio while driving about. I haven’t decided whether I like the book or not yet but Amy is constantly ranting about the advice they got when they got married and I remember getting similar advice. Which led to me thinking about whether that was actually good advice or just the crap people say to sound like they know how to make a marriage work. With divorce around 50% nationally (3.2 out of 6.9) you have to think people are full of crap right?

Compromise

How many of you heard marriage is about compromise? I certainly did.

What I’ve learned however is constant compromise leads to repressed anger, which leads to resenting your spouse. Hello divorce.

Go for the win-win solution. There is always one to be found when you love the person you’re negotiating with.

Never go to bed angry

F that. Go to bed angry. Some situations can not be resolved quickly. And staying up to argue it out so you can go to bed at peace is a bad idea. Why? Because how good are your decision making skills when you’re angry? Now add exhausted to the mix. Yeah. How long before you say something you will regret after a night’s sleep?

Go to bed angry, in separate beds if you need to. Let a little time chill out the negative passions.

Discuss it rationally after a cup of coffee, or three.

Communicate

This one is actually true. Only how many of us have been taught to effectively communicate? I certainly wasn’t. Which leads me to this one….

Don’t air your dirty laundry

Keep the issues in your marriage within your marriage. You wouldn’t actually wash your clothes at a public drinking fountain, right?

No, but you might go to a laundry mat, cause that’s the appropriate location to wash laundry. If you have issues in your marriage, air that shit in public, at the appropriate location. See a therapist. Talk about what’s going on. Get instruction in communication.

It’s ok to admit you need help. It’s ok to admit you were wrong.

Never let your husband get the upper hand

Yup, somebody actually told me this. More than one somebody actually.

The thing is the hubs and I are a team. So I want him to get the upper hand, as often as possible, because it’s good for me too. Cause we’re on the same team.

Maybe I’m naive but if I can’t be vulnerable, needy, or at my worst with my husband, why the hell did I marry him?

What advice did you get when you got married that you look back and think – huh?

Tag: gonegirl

Book Review: Gone Girl

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Marriage Advice