Somehow this conversation came up at the coop the other day. We all sort of skirted around it. But as a writer, I find when complicated ideas start to haunt me I feel the need to write about them.
The Great Oz. Powerful. Scary. Epically bad special effects. LOL But the idea embodied in the character is powerful. Behind the curtain is a small little man afraid people will find out who he is, how little he is, how little power he has. Afraid they will not like or respect him if they know who he is.
I often feel like OZ. Sure, I am funny and charming. It attracts many. It also keeps most at arms distance. I like them there. I am safe behind my curtain. I use humor and charm as that curtain. Most people are more than happy with this. I am careful to limit the time I spend with them. To leave them laughing.
Because I am safe behind the curtain. Behind the curtain you don’t know how insecure I really am. How afraid I am that you will not like or respect me.
In the last 6 months or so I have tried to be more open with people. To share more about me. Tentative little steps. And I have found people push back, hard. They don’t want to know I am insecure. They don’t want to know I too struggle. They want me to be funny and charming and strong and help them with their emotional baggage.
Which makes me wonder, was the Great OZ protecting just himself behind that curtain or was he protecting the land of OZ as well….