Fiendish Friday: Cards Against Humanity

I’m traveling with the kiddo. Every year around this time we make the rounds, visiting family for our niece’s birthday, then seeing friends from when we used to live in California. Sometimes we tie it all up with a trip to Park City, Utah (more friends) before we head home. We’re skipping Park City this year for a couple of reasons, but largely because I need to be back home in time to get my cruddle together for Maple Valley Days. FreeValley Publishing, the author cooperative I joined this year, has a booth at the festival, and I’m working it.

So first stop on our trip was at my friend Missy’s. She lives by Sac and I can make it to her place in one shot, twelve hours, driving. Yes the kiddo can car trip that long, it’s amazing what unlimited DVD, video game time, and snacks will make possible. LOL. Missy has slightly older kids. They’re pretty self sufficient and they absorb mine into the fold when we get there. It’s as close as it comes for me, to two days without a kiddo. Generally we drink too much and hang out in the pool. We play Phase Ten when the sun goes down and drink some more. We cook. We eat. We usually end up clothes shopping, such a cliché, but I really like a store by her house and we don’t have one where I live.

This year Missy and co introduced me to Cards Against Humanity. You thought I forgot didn’t you? LOL. I have no idea how I managed not to play this game before. I’d heard of it’s existence. It just never happened. Well now it did. We laughed our asses off. And I have to say being a writer really helps in that game. So does a number of Moscow Mules. I love the fact that the game encourages you to be dirty. I am always at my funniest just on the verge of being inappropriate. Or maybe I’m deluded and I’m way over the edge.

So back to how being a writer helps: The card read out loud was….I got referred to HR for a situation involving (blank), (Blank), and allegedly (Blank).

I had a number of options in my hand and ultimately chose the following cards. The Care Bear Stare, Sean Penn, and 3 penises at once.

Now how would you fill in those blanks?

Uh huh. Think about it.carebear

I chose: I got referred to HR for a situation involving Sean Penn, 3 penises at once, and allegedly the Care Bear Stare.

Seriously, I almost made someone pee their pants laughing with that. You can’t prove the Care Bear Stare. You can’t. Some things are too much to admit.

What’s your fave Cards Against Humanity win?

Wed No Cafe Suprise

mmmmm…Donuts….I don’t care where they build a donut shop….if they’re gluten free I’ll drive there. My favorite donut shop is actually about three hours away from where I live and I do indeed drive all the way there for the incredible quality of gluten free donuts several times a year…does that make me a freak? Maybe…it definitely Donuts_Covermakes me a foodie though. As a foodie I have to tell you about Donuts in an Empty Field by Rachel Barnard because the only thing better than food is reading about food (no calories that way.)
Launching on National Donut Day, June 3rd if you don’t know, Donuts in an Empty Field is a young adult novel about two best friends, the local food challenge, and a mysterious bucket list. The more main character Vanessa fails the food challenge, the more she takes it out on the boy she blames for her father’s death because letting go of anger is life’s greatest challenge.
Let’s talk to Rachel a bit and then an excerpt from the book….

 

An easy one… What would you do if you were the last person on this earth?
How would I know I was the last person on earth? I would probably cry and then go searching for chocolate.
ummmm, chocolate….er….sorry got distracted there, If you could eliminate one thing from your daily schedule, I’m guess it wouldn’t be chocolate, but what would it be and why?
I would eliminate sleep if I could get away with it, because even though I dearly love my sleep, if I didn’t need to I wouldn’t. I would have seven or more hours every day to do more things! I always want more time in the day to get things done.
author photo
Don’t we all. Ok Let’s get it over with,  What made you decide to start writing? Was this something you always thought you’d do? 
Ever since I learned how to read and write, I’ve been writing. I’ve written my autobiography many times over, even though I’ve only just started stacking up life events worthy of being told. I always knew I was going to write, the question was whether I could rely on it as a career. That is still the question and I have yet to quit my day job to write full time. I like not having to rely on my creative outlet to support me and to not feel like I have to finish within a certain time frame for any of my writing projects.

Does not having the pressure help you avoid writers block?

Unlike most writers I know or have read about, I don’t write every day. When the particular story that I’m thinking about is pressing to get out, I write it until it’s finished. That’s the easy part. The part that usually gives me writer’s block is editing and fixing up the manuscript until it’s ready for public consumption. To get through this writer’s block, I write out a detailed schedule (that I don’t always stick with) to complete the writing/editing and try to tell people my goals so that I feel compelled to reach them. I also make the time to write so I don’t have as many excuses to not write. Doing anything writer-reader related usually kicks up my inspiration to continue and thinking about the story itself helps me get past any stickler writer’s block moments when I’m not sure where to go next.

Well it clearly works for you. Donuts is your third published work, Can you tell us about your other works?

My first novel, Ataxia and the Ravine of Lost Dreams, is about a young girl who thinks that she can overthrow the government and goes to great lengths to put herself in the right position to do so, but is thwarted by both the new transfer student and her own self-centered view of the world. The story centers on her time at an elite Academy and how the students there are trained to become world leaders.

My second novel is a young adult low-magic fantasy – fairy tale adaptation. It is loosely based on Beauty and the Beast and is about learning to accept yourself and others. It’s called At One’s Beast, a play on the words ‘at one’s best’ and is told from the point of view of the three main characters, Alcina (the sacrifice), Zos (the beast), and Aethon (the third wheel).

I have to confess I haven’t read either but my husband loved Ataxia. So tell us a little about Donuts in an Empty Field, Why would someone pick up and read this book?
Donuts in an Empty Field is for a young adult audience, specifically teenagers or emerging adults who want to read about a protagonist who’s working through grief and how to be a best friend amidst personal issues. This book is also a fun insight into the teenage mind and what really goes on after school.
Sounds like that would scare a few parents, LOL. Were there any alternate endings you considered?
No, actually, the ending was always clear to me in my mind. Only the details changed.
I love that. Only the details changed. Last quick question before you read an excerpt, Song that fits the book for theme song?
Raspberry Beret by Prince.
Awesome
An excerpt from Chapter 3:
Becky and Anja, Nichole’s other friends sit down with us. I turn away so Nichole won’t see my disgruntled look as I resettle on the bench to make room. Anja is more overweight than I am, but it only adds to her beauty. She has the most inviting heart shaped face I’ve ever seen and she carries her weight in womanly curves. It helps that she’s taller than I am so the weight is better distributed. Becky is the powerhouse tanned white girl that nobody
wants to piss off. She is so athletic she almost joined the football team, but opted for jujitsu instead when there was a scheduling conflict. Nichole turns to talk with Becky and I fidget.“Aren’t you going to eat?” Anja asks me.I sit on my hands to stop them from moving and shake my head.

“I’m not really hungry,” I lie.

She nods like she understands, but she doesn’t. None of them do. If I start eating right now I might never stop. Another thank you to Dad. If I’m not angry, I’m hungry and I have to be careful with my self-control. Not that I never eat… I just don’t want to eat junk in front of Nichole’s judgmental friends.

Nichole offers me her other slice of pizza.

“No thanks, I’m good,” I say, trying not to lick my lips at the hint of fresh dough scent that lingers in the air.

Becky waves to someone walking up to the table. He steps forward, and suddenly all my attention is on him. With burn scars bubbling up his neck and cheeks, everybody at the table pays attention to the new guy. He looks down at the table and scuffs a toe in the pavement, his tray of cafeteria food wobbling in his hands. I try to figure out what’s wrong with his left hand and it takes me a moment to realize that he’s missing two fingers. The remaining fingers are misshapen and swollen-looking.

Nichole gets up beside me. “Becky,” she says, her voice trailing off, as she just stands there. She glances beside Becky pointedly and wrinkles her nose slightly, before turning back to Becky.

“This is my younger brother, Ben,” Becky says.

Book Review: In the Woods

A girl friend of mine suggest In The Woods by Tana French right as I was leaving for Hawaii. I popped over to the library website and got the last e-copy. I took that as a good sign, a fortuitous sign that I should read this while on vacation.

What can I say about this book? It’s 560 odd pages long. At least a third of them could have been cut without the plot or character development losing anything. The books details essentially two different cases. The current, present day murder which is being worked on by three detectives and the cold case disappearance of one of the detective’s two friends, which occurred when he was 12 in the same housing development as the present day murder.

The present day murder is obscenely obvious. I knew exactly what was going down from the get go. The long ago disappearance was intriguing. They don’t solve the old cold case. Which bugs. After 560 pages I wanted closure on that. And since the present day case was so stinking obvious it was really irritating to have the intriguing case just left hanging. I am tempted to read the next book just to see if the author ever clears it all up but since the detective who lost his friends is off the force and likely not in the second book, what’s the point exactly?

℘℘℘ – Three Pages. I read it but only cause I was on vaca. Otherwise I would have tossed it’s long winded babble to the side and moved on.

Weekend Workshop – Nano to Publish

Last weekend was Nano to Publish at the North Bend library again. We are really getting somewhere as a group. I am so excited about this. And the breath of genres and styles…I’m already planning some events next year to show case these new authors.

We spent the entire 90 minute session playing First Page Idol. I read everyone’s First Page for them, out loud, and we parsed it as a group. What worked for us? What didn’t and why? What is a stylistic choice and what’s bad grammar or some other form of mistake. I am struck yet again by the sharp devisions in what people like as readers. Things that bother me, others find charming and vice versa. You really have to know your audience.

This of course forced me to consider just who I am writing my spy novel for. And it’s a smart reading audience. One who wants to think while reading not just be entertained. It’s the first time I’ve ever really understood who my audience for this book should be. And now I’m wondering if I am writing for too small an audience. LOL.

If you’re following along at home, your beta reviews should be back by now, or almost all back by now. Try to read your first page to as many people as possible. Those words are what sells your book or doesn’t.

Fiendish Friday: I’m a Bitch

I’ve found myself explaining this more than once this week. People just laugh like they don’t quite believe me. But I know this about myself. I know it well. I’ve had lots of experience. The simple fact is I will fill a power vacuum. And the problem with that?

I’m a bitch. I rule with an iron fist. No matter how hard I try, I’m Stalin with a five year plan and god help you if you step out of line. I’m demanding. I’m exacting. I expect everyone to toe the line as the rules are written and you better be able to explain why you deviated. On the other hand if you deviate and can explain it, I’ll back you to hell freezes over.

You do the job and you do it right? I will take care of you. You do the job and make an honest mistake? I will take care of you. Have the universal donor blood and Red Cross is desperate, four hours paid time off to donate, not a question. Pregnant wife is sick, why are you talking to me, take care of her, everything here will get handled. Need to change your schedule to really off hours to pick up your kids every day. We’ll make it work. VP of Engineering is verbally abusing you. Walk out. I’ll explain it to him in terms he can understand.

But for all that benevolence, I am still a dictator. So I don’t take positions of power.

I am an excellent servant. Loyal. Creative. Organized.

Finally the pool board listened. I am NOT the new President. LOL. But I’m still a bitch. LOL

 

Wednesday No Writer’s Cafe Again 5/25

Seriously, I should just stop calling the Wednesday post Writer’s Cafe because I never get there anymore. Feels like months. Waves at the pizza crowd. Miss you!

Ok so why am I not there? Yeah, emergency executive meeting of the club board. Yes, again they are derailing my life for more drama. I think since I returned from Hawaii last Monday I have seen about 300 emails. Way too much of it backstabbing, half truthing, bull shit. (pardon my language)

Several members may or may not be resigning tonight, including me. I won’t go on like this. Either people commit to putting on their big boy/girl pants and acting like the adults we are supposed to be, or I’m done. I can’t carry the emotional burden of this crap for a pool. It’s not that important.

Since I have returned, I have not written a single word on my spy novel that is practically at the finish line. I haven’t spent a single minute on the novel I am developmentally editing. I’ve barely been able to get my blog posts up and half of those were done ahead of time. Speaking of I’m leaving on Saturday for a road trip with my kiddo and I haven’t preposted for those ten days yet.

All of my spare time has been sucked up my the drama and drama fall out or the emotional hang over of dealing with the former. Enough. Done. I’m out. Drops the microphone.


I’ve decided to report on my stated 2016 goals each Wednesday at cafe for a little prod of accountability.

 

– Participate in one flash fiction challenge per month.

√ I think I missed May. And it ain’t gonna happen between now and Saturday. LOL. I did do a couple in April. Short ones. Single liners on a topic and the like. It was fun.

– Prepare and teach “Nano to Publish”.

√ Rolling right along. I think we will have 8 new books out of this class by the end of the year. I’m so excited by that. A year’s worth of work and it will be worth something.

 

– Any time I am not actively working on my 2015 Nano Novel(trashed), write 2500 words per week on my spy novel until it is done. (After four years, it’s time to put this mess to bed.)

√ Not a word this week. I wrote a lot on the cruise though. It’s really cleaned up. I need to write one more bridging scene and then finish the big action blow out on the ship.

Non writing goals

– Prepare and teach two classes at the coop for the 2016-2017 school year.

√ Yep. People have actually signed up for both my classes, Nano and Geography. One family actually joined the coop just so their daughter could take my Nano class. LOL.

– Take better care of my body, ie. stop compulsively painting, crocheting, and writing until my back or shoulder is so tore I can barely use either.

√ Been doing good on this although the kiddo did buy me a new paint by number for Mother’s Day. LOL. It’s half done in the last week. LOL. I find it very soothing and with all the club drama, I needed to be soothed.

– yoga daily.

√ Yeah. Actually this is happening, although some days are still only 15 minutes.

Book Review: The Man Who Never Was

I don’t what it is about me and cruises. I can’t just read fluff and be done with it. LOL. The Man Who Never Was: World War II’s Boldest Counterintelligence Operation by Ewan Montagu is one of the books that had been hanging around my to be read list at the library for a while. I got a notification that an e copy was available just in time to be downloaded for the trip.

It’s a short read and written as a crony might tell you a complicated story over a glass of scotch and cigars. A number of chapters are devoted to a straight forward telling of how the mission came to be, how it was carried out, and how they got all the materials they used. Several more chapters detail what was uncovered after Germany lost the war and the allies had access to their papers.

If you don’t know the details, I’ll give you a brief and you can decide to invest in the 150 page long explanation. Essentially in an effort to convince the German High Command that the allies were not going to attack Sicily, a plan was hatched to fake up an officer and have his dead body discovered somewhere the Germans were likely to get hold of the papers this officer might be carrying. It worked in case you didn’t know. LOL.

℘℘℘℘ – Four Pages. I read it in a quick day on ship with a cocktail or two. Dry British humor abounds.

To write or not to write

that is the question at hand. I play this game called The Red Dragon Inn. I like it a lot. It’s a fun drinking game and the characters are amusing. Some thought has gone into it’s creation. Then one day I was reading a blog post about where to get plot ideas and blogger linked to a web page about black holes and suggested that you could write a novel about falling through a black hole and ending up somewhere.

Suddenly I knew, they were falling through the black hole and ending up at the Red Dragon Inn. So I jotted the idea down in my email draft box (where all ideas go to die) and walked on.

Only the damn idea wouldn’t flipping die.

It kept coming up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder, and saying excuse me but I think I want to …..

Fine, here’s a snippet I wrote at the character’s insistence. It is not meant to be the opening line or anything grand, in fact I’m pretty sure this is at least the second time she’s landed in the bar. You tell me whether I should let this be all there is or if I should feed this beast and let it live….

I landed on the lounger again, out of breathe. These landings weren’t getting any softer. As I lay there surveying my surroundings, a tiny bell rang. The passing serving wench paused, her hands full with tankards of mead. As she opened her mouth to speak I expected some sort of humor regarding angels getting their wings but instead she said, “You might want to move,” and glanced towards the darkness above me.
Defying her suggestion I lay back to look at the aperture I had recently fallen through. Then I dove for the floor. 
An ogre landed on the lounger with a grunt, all he had air for. He sat up quicker than I had learned to and nudged my leg out of the way of his foot before standing. I chose to see this as a polite gesture. 
He crossed the flag stone floor to belly up to the bar, roaring for a drink. 
I sat up slowly pondering his position in my quest. Was he my competition or my salvation?
Feed it or let it die?

Fiendish Friday: Drama

I have been blessed to have the kind of life that lands you in a 12 step program. I won’t get into what triggered that but I will say this 12 step leads you to committee work. It also teaches you how to behave on a committee. I wish to god everyone had a flipping 12 step program.

I am on two boards right now. And while I was gone on vaca both boards had drama explosions the size of Mt Vesuvius. Hundreds of emails of back biting and bitching and moaning and complaining.

I have easily spent an 15 hours this week, probably more, listening to or reading people’s drama via email and text,  related to these two boards. All I really want to say is, it’s not personal. This is not about you. This is about providing service to a board that serves a community.

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I want to go back to my vacation desk.

I want to go back to that happy place where my son would rather go to Camp Carnival that demand my time.

Where solicitous men bring me yummy beverages with the slightest nod of my head.

Where the breeze is warm.

The water crystal clear.

My sense of peace reached idyllic heights.

And the ideas flowed unabated.

 

 

Can you blame me?

Book Review: Luke Skywalker Can’t Read

I picked up Luke Skywalker Can’t Read and Other Geeky Truths by Ryan Britt for my husband at the library one afternoon. He wasn’t particularly interested but thanked me. The book sat on the library shelf for a couple of weeks until I picked it up and thought, I’ll read ten pages while I lay down with the sick kiddo and when it sucks I’ll return it. yeah….It didn’t suck. LOL

Luke Skywalker… is a collection of essays on the nature of SciFi/Fantasy in books and film. A large portion of the book explains how the writer came to be an expert on this particular subject in an amusing manner. It did garner a number of laughs I then had to try to explain to my kiddo who always wants to know what’s so funny. There is some middle slump that made me consider returning it unfinished but I think that had more to do with the subject matter, Doctor Who and Sherlock Holmes and Frodo, not my favorite topics, than the quality of Britt’s writing.

Mostly what I took away is the Britt really wants you to think about why you think what you do about SciFi/Fantasy be it position or negative. He brings up some interesting ideas about why certain films and books and cults work or don’t. He does espouse some strong opinions I totally disagree with but that’s ok. LOL

℘℘℘℘ – A solid Four Pages. It’s a short read, a couple of 100 pages, and not overly complicated in it’s terminology. Coming off Norwescon it was an interesting take on things I had heard argued so recently, in person. And I do have a soft spot in my heart for books that footnote.