2016 First Quarter One Page Reviews

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January, February, and March the following book fell supremely short:

I picked up A Beggining, A Muddle, and an End by Avi on my craft book binge. I was looking for things to include in weekend workshops or help with my workshop series at the library or even for use next year in teaching. It sounded so cute. An ant and a snail talk about writing. Lots of interesting little nuggets in a funny little comedy, perfect.

Yeah, no. I was wrong. It was tired. In fact, reading it made me tired. According to the cover it’s philosophical. ROFL. That alone is funnier than the entire book. Let me share jst a few “highlights.”

“…but instead write a book about my life. I’m hoping that writing will allow me to find myself.” “I had no idea you were lost.”

“I’m afraid I don’t have a way with words.” “Avon, by now you should know that words don’t really weigh anything.”

“Because my father always told me not to be thoughtless.” “And my father always taught me that it’s the thought that counts.” “I’d much prefer that.” “Why?” “Because I’ve always been good at mathematics.”

The whole book is this way. But at least it’s short, so my torture did not extend too tall, because extending yourself is dangerous, as the book would have said.

Lost for Words – Edward St. Aubyn

Oh god, this book. I couldn’t even finish it. I tried I really did, as you know I have issues with leaving a book unfinished no matter how bad it is but this one…

The idea behind the book: a satire of literary works and the competitions that judge them. Ha- ha, how funny this will be. Um, no.

The book is so busy being what it makes fun of that it was unreadable for me. Sentences go on for half a page, filled with words of four syllables or more. Let me give you an example of one of the more readable sentences that goes on for half a page.

“… the substitution of a slightly resistant adjective to engender a moment’s reflection, in short, the joys of editing, all carried out without forgetting the art that disguises art, giving the appearance of ease to the greatest difficulty and bringing clarity to tangled and obscure ideas.”

Yeah and that was just the last quarter of that sentence. What ever happened to say what you mean and mean what you say and don’t say it mean?

Grey – E.L. James

I gave this one 20 pages. Seriously, it opened with a dream. There are not even words.

Why was I even reading this travesty? Ok so my oldest friend in the world begged me to. She loves the Grey series. And she swore that Christian Grey’s business partner was me incarnate, so please please would I just try it?

I tried. I failed. It went back to the library.

I’m posting this one a smidge early, I know it’s still March, but with the beginning of April begins A to Z Challenge and I will be blogging about lessons learned at Norwescon in the A to Z format.

Nano to Publish March Workshop

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I had this grand idea about the March workshop where I would move about my hard working cohorts helping them get their novels ready for beta with wit and compassion. Are you rolling on the floor laughing yet? I am.

In reality, every one has it already. They are either moving forward on making their first pass critique changes at a solid clip or they are done. No one needed me. No one.

What ended up happening was all these fabulous conversations occurred. We talked about blogging, about pen names, the greater nature of art, ways to handle multiple books in multiple genres.  The group convinced me it was OK to abandon my murder mystery. Guess they had that compassion I was envisioning.

I helped one guy a little with his blog. I heartily suggested people jump on the A to Z blogging challenge as a way to get their blog rolling with a bang and to get a quick readership. As you may have noticed I am participating in the A to Z blogging challenge this year. For the month of April I will be posting what I learned at norwescon (I’m there right now), in the A to Z challenge format. My normal posts will be suspended for this daily challenge in the month of April.

If you’re at Norwescon, stop by the Clockwork Dragon table (#37 in the vendor room) and check out the incredible indie authors, including my novel Scripting the Truth.

Fiendish Friday: My taste in fictional men

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I don’t remember exactly the situation, I do recall I was explaining to a friend why I preferred Michael Biehn from Aliens over Johnny Depp or Corey Haim, when the look on her face made me stop and wonder. I was still a kid, maybe eleven or twelve. I had just seen the movie for the first time and I was totally smitten. Sigh. But my friend’s face made it very clear that my criteria were bizarre to her.

After that I started keeping my rational for the fictional men I “fell in love” with to myself. No point in seeing that face again, so I just started shrugging when someone asked why. Over the years I have had school girl crushes on the following fictional characters…

A) the aforementioned Michael Biehn. Why? In Aliens when Sigornie Weaver has what amounts to an emotional break down for her and she says she can’t live if that thing lays eggs inside her and he says, “If it comes to that, I’ll do us both.” That’s it. That got my little eleven year old heart.

B) Matt Damon in Oceans 12, the nose. Oh mi god, the nose.

C)  Jeremy Renner, Neo Ned. He goes to prison and he’s so gleeful, he went to prison for killing a pedophile.

D) the one that brought this to the forefront of my mind, I was watching a rerun of CSI Miami, the club fire, I noticed when the fire breaks out, the girl Speed is dancing with follows him, all over the club as he tries to get them out. Some girl he barely knows, but she stays him, even though they clearly just met. While some girl Eric is sucking face with fights against him.  Which to me says, Speed gives off a trustworthy vibe. Suddenly I find myself thinking, he is rather attractive. LOL

Just few examples, the more bizarre ones, so to speak. What criteria do you use to pick your fictional heroes?

PS – for those of you now wondering about my husband, I am a practical woman at heart, I made a list of the 27 things I wanted in a life partner. The hubby meets them all.

In other words, he’s perfect and yes, he would kill me if I was going turn zombie.

PPS. Yeah for Norwescon! Check out the Clockwork Dragon table in the vendor room. You’ll find my book there if you do. And a lot of other high quality independent authors as well.

 

Wednesday Writer’s Cafe 3/23

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Tonight’s post will be full of shock and awe, are you ready? Are you sitting down? Do you have your coffee?

A) I am actually at write in! Woot! laughing. It’s been a rough month but here I am planning for Norwescon which starts tomorrow. Not that I am really going Thursday. I plan to drop a friend off, get my badge, drop my books off to the Indie writers table I am hawking my wares at (quick shout out to Jeff from Clockwork Dragon), and give the kiddo a tour of where mommy will be spending the weekend.

B) I have jettisoned my murder mystery. The facts, just the fact. I hate it. I hated writing it during nano. I had a miserable time doing Nano last year and that misery has clung to the draft like the stench of rotten sushi clings to the interior of your car when your kiddo drops a couple of salmon rolls under the seat and doesn’t tell you. I was continuing to work on it because I felt I owed it to the Nano to Publish folks to stay on the same time line I was asking them to meet. However Sheri reminded me that I published on this schedule last year, so I’m not really asking them to do anything I haven’t done. So it’s over. I stuck a fork in it.

C) My spy novel is on like donkey kong.

I’ve decided to report on my stated 2016 goals each Wednesday at cafe for a little prod of accountability. The goals have been adjusted to reflect those I have completed and those I have dropped as not worthy at this time. LOL

– Participate in one flash fiction challenge per month.

√ Er, March is almost over and I haven’t done jack all for this. And really I am not going to before the end of the month. I am off to Norwescon, then to Lego land. Maybe just maybe I’ll be inspired somewhere along that mess but it’s doubtful.

– Prepare and teach “Nano to Publish”.

√ Going swimmingly. March was awesome and you can read all about that this weekend.

– Any time I am not actively working on my 2015 Nano Novel, write 2500 words per week on my spy novel until it is done. (After four years, it’s time to put this mess to bed.)

√ I’m working on it. I’m actually working on it.

Non writing goals

– Prepare and teach two classes at the coop for the 2016-2017 school year.

√ um, this is very up in the air. There’s some stuff going on. More when I can.

– Take better care of my body, ie. stop compulsively painting, crocheting, and writing until my back or shoulder is so tore I can barely use either.

√ I kind of got into a little painting obsession but I have not caused myself any pain. LOL

– yoga daily.

√ More or less.

Book Review: Forget Me Knot

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I’m coming to the end of my comfort reading, not just because my initial stack has only two books left in it but because I’m starting to pick apart these books as I read. If my editor is back, it’s time to stop comforting myself. LOL

But for now, Forget Me Knot by Sue Margolis is here to brighten up your Monday morning. I first found Margolis with her hit Apocalipstick, a hysterically funny look at how to cope when your school tormentor grows up and matures, then comes back into your life.

Forget, is an amusing look at the complications of life when you discover your fiance is actually gay. Yikes! As the book opens, Abby is the owner of Fabulous Flowers, a flower shop she started from the ground up and is on the verge of hitting the big time with her endeavors. She is engaged to a man she thinks is all the tick marks on the box. Handsome, rich, considerate, snazzy dresser…then she finds him in the arms of his male lover. Oops.

Along the way we get little side plots regarding her best friends. One is a short Jewish fireball (cliché) who is afraid to tell her parents about her half black boy friend. She’s been playing up the half Jewish and a doctor angle (cliché) and doesn’t know how to fill them in on the rest. And then there’s the gay best friend who is fighting for custody of his dog from his ex, who just happens to be Abby’s ex-fiance’s lover. (cliché and unbelievably ridiculous.)

But despite these flaws, the book is still damn amusing, funny, and a great bathtub/beach read.

℘℘℘℘ 1/2 – This is another four and half page review. I read it quickly and happily. I have read six or seven other books by the same author, all are amusing. As a side note I love that in  Forget there’s a scene where a film director, who’s renting the shop for his film, talks about his movie is a romantic comedy where boys meets girl, they start happily, there’s a misunderstanding that drives them apart, and then it works out in the end. He and Abby talk about how cliché it is. How every romantic movie goes that way but it works because people love both knowing and not knowing all at the same time. This is one of those books, a fun romantic cliché.

Weekend Workshop

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This barely qualifies as a weekend workshop worthy book, but since I skipped a weekend or two and have nothing for the upcoming weekend, I’ll post it. LOL.

I picked up Write Your Own Mystery Story by Tish Farrell when it caught my eye while I was picking up a different book on writing from the shelf next to it. I thought I might find some useful tid bits for the kids version of Nano to Piblish which I may or may not teach at the coop next year.

As I have found with out “junior” how to books, it’s a little insulting to kids. This one calls it a burger joint rather than the Malt Shop but it’s still out of date and vaguely condescending. “Write” takes a youngster through a generalized plan, develop, write, edit, and publish run down. Guess no one needs my class after all. LOL. But it’s really, really general. Really general. Although it does say not to use the word really or very for that matter and to edit out all extraneous adverbs. (Is there anyone who hasn’t been influenced by King on adverbs and the road to hell?)

The book leans heavily on plot. On working it all out ahead of time. Plotting each scene. Fully knowing your characters before you start. And I maintain you need to leave room. Room for your characters to develop as you write, for the characters to grow. You can’t plan their growth arc. Anymore than I can plan my six year old’s growth arc. And you need to leave room for story to find it’s own way, for your characters who are growing and changing to show you the cool stuff that matters.

I did make note of some suggested writing exercises and then modify them for my class notes for next year. I’ll tell you about one here. I took a book suggestion and decided I would have my class invent a character and provide a short sketch of the character, just three lines. Then I would throw those into a hat. Each student would randomly select a character. Then I would have another hat of situations I had created and the students would randomly select one of those. Each student would explain either how the character got into the situation or how they are going to get out of it. I think it will be fun.

Fiendish Friday: Stubborn

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When I was a baby I had this sheet that my mom would spread on the floor before she put me down for tummy time. I inherited it when I got older and on one corner is a picture of a cart driver trying to pull a mule, who has sat on his haunches, forward. Below the picture says T.A. is as stubborn as a mule. I know my mom thought she was being funny, but I think that picture actually programmed my little brain. Don’t want to do something, sit down, put my ears back, and wait it out.

Whenever someone encourages me too strongly to do something I resist. Examples you ask?

A) I had a boyfriend who was obsessed with the movie Bend it like Beckham. When he first brought it up to me, I was like, sounds fun we should watch it. Every time he talked about it though, I got a little more resistant to seeing the movie. Every “you have to watch this” made me more reluctant. Finally I flat out refused. After we broke up, I got a bottle of my favorite wine and watched it on netflix. LOL Pretty darn entertaining actually.

B) Someone once gave me a copy of Dan Brown’s the Davinci Code for Christmas with the note “Read this immediately so I can discuss it with you.” Um, what? You gave me work to do for you, for Christmas? My ass. Still haven’t read that book.

So when everyone and their brother started telling me I need to read Stephen King’s On Writing, you can imagine what happened. Ears went back. I really, really didn’t wanna uh.

Finally I gave in. I did. I read the book. It was actually quite good. I found it super amusing. I have some thoughts about some of his writing advice which I will share over the next few weeks.

Does this mean I am going to read Dan Brown’s book next? Laughing. Not on your life.

So what about you? Stubborn or pliable? Are you grateful when people try to force you into things or irritated?

 

Wednesday Writer’s Cafe 3/16

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Some days being a mom is tough. Like when your adorably cute six year old says “please mommy cancel my sitter and stay home with me tonight” with big tired eyes.

This week has been interesting. Time change is always a big problem for me. Compounded by the fact that getting up at five was still a struggle even though I had been doing it for 3 months. So now five is four. bleh. I’ve been getting up at the new 630. shaking head.

Which might explain why I feel like I am making zero progress with my murder mystery. On the other hand a new idea for a new novel popped into my head and despite the fact that I attempted to purge said idea by writing it down, the idea won’t leave me alone. I keep coming up with new layers to the story I want to leave me alone so I can finish this darn murder. LOL.

I finally hit 100 followers. It only took 18 months. (snort, only) A quick shout out to the lovely Sue over at Artist Path.

I’ve decided to report on my stated 2016 goals each Wednesday at cafe for a little prod of accountability.

 

– Participate in one flash fiction challenge per month.

√ er…cruddle, I really should get on this for March eh?

– Prepare and teach “Nano to Publish”.

√ This Saturday is our March workshop. We’re still overhauling our work to take it to beta next month. I also taught a special session class Tuesday on blogging to three of the N to P participants.

– Edit my 2015 Nano Novel for 2016 publication.

√ um, so this is going rather slowly right now. I decided to cut this group interrogation scene and instead work the conversations in during a reception after the murdered guy’s funeral. I’ve written the funeral but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten this week.

– Any time I am not actively working on my 2015 Nano Novel, write 2500 words per week on my spy novel until it is done. (After four years, it’s time to put this mess to bed.)

-Non Applicable at this time.

Non writing goals

– Prepare and teach two classes at the coop for the 2016-2017 school year.

√ sigh, this is all so messy. We’re half way through mock registration and NO one wants my nano class. People are lining up for the geography class I made up on the spur of the moment though. Laughing. Ain’t that always the way?

– Take better care of my body, ie. stop compulsively painting, crocheting, and writing until my back or shoulder is so tore I can barely use either.

√ I’ll admit it, there was a little too much painting last weekend.

– yoga daily.

√ laugh, snort, laugh. I did however get my son addicted to yoga though. I convinced him being more flexible will help him with capoeira.

Book Review: Something Blue

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Something Blue by Emily Giffin is the companion piece to Something Borrowed. It is the complicated situation from the point of view of Darcy. While Darcy features heavily in Rachel’s explanation of events, she barely pops up in Darcy’s.

Darcy’s version skims over the events that occurred in Borrowed to bring you up to date and then moves her forward. In some ways, I almost prefer this book. To me Blue reads as the story of a shallow human discovering she can be so much more. That she has real depth, all it takes is her losing her entire shallow existence to find more. It doesn’t hurt that Blue is funnier than Borrowed.

I had a good chuckle over the scene where the doctor tells Darcy he’s sure she’s having twin boys because while girls are sometimes mistaken for boys it rarely happen that boys are mistaken for girls. When I was pregnant they told me I was having a girl. We narrowed down our ten plus name list to one girl’s name. We had a baby shower for a girl. We had one of those poster boards that people sign and then you put the baby picture in it, all signed to Kira Anne. Then when I was 36 weeks pregnant at yet another ultrasound, I asked the tech if she was sure it was a girl because I needed to take the tags off things and wash them. After a moment or two of hrming she confirmed, it was a boy. “See there’s his penis and he’s peeing.” ROFL. Now you may be wondering why all the frilly dresses and onesies and blankets and shoes and hats had the tags on them still at 36 weeks, especially given I was going to be induced early….I never believed I was having a girl. Ever. I spent my last week returning everything.

I think my favorite line in Blue is when Darcy recalls how Rachel used to always say love is a verb. Emily Giffin is a wise woman. It’s one heck of a line and does so much to reveal who Darcy has become. And don’t we all need a little reminder to treat those we love like we love them?

℘℘℘℘ 1/2 – Four and a half pages. I totally reread this in one day in between home schooling the kiddo and my other responsibilities but the reality is I can’t give it five stars because I am unlikely to seek out other works by Giffin. I’ve read 2 or 3 of her other things and they just don’t speak to me, despite how well they are written. sigh.

Fiendish Friday: Ugling Ducklings and Swans

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It seemed like a good time between reviewing Something Borrowed and Something Blue, by Emily Giffin to discuss ugly ducklings and swans. Rachel, from the books, is another character I identified with for some time. She was always less attractive that her best friend, by those markers that most people measure with. She had worked really hard to get to a job she hated but she was good at because she continued to work really hard. Could be the story of my life.

I had a stunning best friend. All those formative years when your self esteem is supposed to be built first at home and then by the reactions of your peers, I learned not nice messages about myself. I always thought I was unworthy.

Now when I was young I simply did everything for the friend without thinking about it because I loved her. In my twenties I got resentful. She was always taking everything I wanted. Everything. In my head I had changed the dynamic from me giving to her taking. Why the change?

We met a guy. And once we had his attention, I stepped back to let her have him. He wasn’t having it. And flat out told me he had no interest in her but that our dynamic was such that it was obvious who he was supposed to ask out. Huh. Really? It wasn’t just that she’s beautiful and I’m not? (FYI, I didn’t actually ask him that. I just started thinking about it.)

Later in my twenties I ran into a guy we went to school with and as we were talking it got round to him dating her. And he told me he asked her out because I begged him to. It was clear to him, I was never going to date him, when I asked him to take her out as a favor to me. huh.

So now pushing 40 I realize that so much of my reality in from 8-28 was colored by these early experiences. And how much of these early experiences were colored by my self imposed glasses. She never openly competed with me like Darcy does with Rachel in Something Borrowed. In fact I remember her getting mad at me in Junior High because I always let her have her own way about everything and she wanted me to grow a back bone. At the time I saw it as one more way I was lacking, now I see she loved me and wanted the best for me as well.

I am neither an ugly duckling or a swan. I am who I am. Which, at almost 40, is a mildly attractive house wife and mom who published her first novel last year. Also, oddly enough, about a woman trying to figure out her own reality from what she has told herself is the truth.