Category: Home Life

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Naughty questions

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 6 Comments

This is a not PG rated post, in case you want to stop reading now.

I was watching an old episode of CSI. I’ve been enjoying them this stress filled summer. Excellent unwind capacity. But on this particular episode a woman is dead. Everyone who met the woman when she was alive kept going on about how beautiful she was and what an amazing body she had. Then you see her laid out in the morgue in a bra and panties.

Her hip bones stick out of her abdomen a good 2 inches. So does her pubic bone. Her ribs stick out further than her breasts in a push up bra.

This got me thinking. Yes, she’s beautiful but when you’re in bed with her, don’t all those bones hurt? Or is it like an acupressure thing?

So men, if you’ve had sex, vigorous or not, with a woman with bones sticking out everywhere, what’s that like?

No, don’t describe it. laughing. This is a mostly family friendly blog.

I want to understand the physics here. Do you have to be careful? Or it not even a thing?

I’ve been thinking Thursday: bias

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 2 Comments

How often do you hear someone say, oh yeah I’m Irish too. Or German. Or Lebanese. And then when asked where they come from, they say oh I was born in America. American’s are very concerned with their ancestry. But sometimes it works to your advantage.

I’m in Sint Maarten with the kiddo going on a snuba excursion. One of the women working on the boat has a slightly off accent from the Sint Maarten norm. I mention her accent sounds different and ask if she’s from the Netherlands. She says yes. I say, “My husband is Dutch.”

I see the eye roll she wants to do even though she’s too polite to do it as she sighs and says “and where is he from?”

“Gouda.” And I pronounce it the Dutch way.

Her entire face changes. “I used to live outside Gouda.”

Suddenly she’s calling the kiddo “my love” and our dive time extends way beyond the time stated in the tour.

ROFL.

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Distracted Drivers

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 5 Comments

I once got a ticket for texting at a stop light. I groused about it a bit because really, I was at a stop light and the cop had to pull out of a parking lot and weave thru traffic, lights and siren going to catch me. That always seemed more dangerous than my text at a red light but ok, did the crime, paid the fine.

But sometimes…

This morning the woman in front of me stops at the green light. The GREEN light. I give her a 3 count and then beep my horn at her. She waves but doesn’t move. There is no other lane I can pull into. It’s a concrete wall next to me holding up the freeway above my head. I honk again and mouth it’s a green light. She flips me off, takes off peeling rubber, and dive bombs across the lanes on the other side of the concrete wall while going thru the light.

And I was a danger texting at the red light? Where are the police when people pull this shit, which is actually dangerous on so many levels?

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Marriage Advice

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 3 Comments

Lately I’ve been listening to Gone Girl on audio while driving about. I haven’t decided whether I like the book or not yet but Amy is constantly ranting about the advice they got when they got married and I remember getting similar advice. Which led to me thinking about whether that was actually good advice or just the crap people say to sound like they know how to make a marriage work. With divorce around 50% nationally (3.2 out of 6.9) you have to think people are full of crap right?

Compromise

How many of you heard marriage is about compromise? I certainly did.

What I’ve learned however is constant compromise leads to repressed anger, which leads to resenting your spouse. Hello divorce.

Go for the win-win solution. There is always one to be found when you love the person you’re negotiating with.

Never go to bed angry

F that. Go to bed angry. Some situations can not be resolved quickly. And staying up to argue it out so you can go to bed at peace is a bad idea. Why? Because how good are your decision making skills when you’re angry? Now add exhausted to the mix. Yeah. How long before you say something you will regret after a night’s sleep?

Go to bed angry, in separate beds if you need to. Let a little time chill out the negative passions.

Discuss it rationally after a cup of coffee, or three.

Communicate

This one is actually true. Only how many of us have been taught to effectively communicate? I certainly wasn’t. Which leads me to this one….

Don’t air your dirty laundry

Keep the issues in your marriage within your marriage. You wouldn’t actually wash your clothes at a public drinking fountain, right?

No, but you might go to a laundry mat, cause that’s the appropriate location to wash laundry. If you have issues in your marriage, air that shit in public, at the appropriate location. See a therapist. Talk about what’s going on. Get instruction in communication.

It’s ok to admit you need help. It’s ok to admit you were wrong.

Never let your husband get the upper hand

Yup, somebody actually told me this. More than one somebody actually.

The thing is the hubs and I are a team. So I want him to get the upper hand, as often as possible, because it’s good for me too. Cause we’re on the same team.

Maybe I’m naive but if I can’t be vulnerable, needy, or at my worst with my husband, why the hell did I marry him?

What advice did you get when you got married that you look back and think – huh?

 

 

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Disaster

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 2 Comments

This week will be a brief thought line as I now have two homes that are a total mess. LOL

We moved. The new commute times are fabulous. I can run to 2 different grocery stores in the less than five minutes! Target is four minutes away. Love it!

However, the old house is a disaster. The new house is a disaster. LOL. And so I am currently spending my saved driving time, making sanity from insanity. But a few short weeks and that will be done.

For now I will share a story of our move day. I had packed up the whole kitchen and moved it the day before because there is nothing worse than being hot, tired, in the middle of moving and you can’t find a damn thing to eat. But come move day we had all the furniture to do. Mostly it went easy-peasy.  Til we got to the couch. Darn thing wouldn’t fit up the stairs from the garage to the living room.

sigh. hrm. now what?

So the hubs carried it around back on his head and I went out onto the deck. Do you know what’s coming? LOL.

He pushed, I pulled, and we flipped it up over the railing and onto the deck. How high is this deck and railing you ask? Eight feet give or take. ROFL.

What’s your favorite moving insanity story?

 

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Moving House

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 3 Comments

We’re getting ready to move this weekend. The kiddo is anxious and badly behaving, but we talk it through with him daily and it seems to help. The dog is anxious and glued to my calf. I wish we could talk it through with him, but smart as he is, he doesn’t quite grasp what I’m saying. (Yes, we are taking the dog with us.)

And every one who hears we’re moving asks: bigger and better house?

When I laugh and say quite the opposite they all look puzzled.

Here’s the thing people don’t talk about: a large beautiful home takes hours and hours and hours of maintenance on the inside to keep it clean, to keep the paint mar free, to keep the hard woods in good condition. And you have to take care of it because it’s a huge investment of money.

And then when that house sits on an acre the previous owners perfectly manicured, you have to spend hours and hours and hours mowing the lawn and pulling weeks to keep that looking nice as well.

Unless you pay exorbitant rates for a weekly gardener and house cleaner. We live in the middle of no where, the options are limited and so people charge through the nose. Plus did you know that if you have a nicer house people charge you more? Just saying, had vendors straight out admit it to me when I called them on it. Anyway, the point is without outside help your entire life is maintaining that home and yard. No time for anything else.

Compounded by the fact that we do live in the middle of no where and commute times have doubled since we moved here…..

So yes, we’re moving. No, we didn’t buy another beautiful show home. We didn’t buy a new home at all.

We’re renting, a small townhouse with no yard to maintain, and shorter commute times.

What about you? Do you feel burdened by your house and yard?

I’ve been thinking Thursday: Charisma

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 2 Comments

No, I doImage result for charisma carpenter attackedn’t mean Charisma Carpenter, although we have been introducing the kiddo to Buffy the Vampire Slayer lately. LOL.

I mean the other kind of charisma: charm that inspires others.

I went recently to a seminar, I’m going to be a little cagey about the when and where because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is about my thought process.

So seminar with 2 speakers. One, I adore. I was so looking forward to what this speaker would say, sure it would epic. The other I had never heard of but hey why not hear that one too.

Turned out, the unknown to me speaker was amazing. This speaker actually provided me with tools to improve my writing. Things I had not heard before, ever. Things that actually seem functional and helpful and will improve my editing process. Woohoo!

The adored speaker was boring. Badly, badly boring.

And thinking about that on the drive home I came to the a couple of conclusions.

A) Being brilliant does not make one a brilliant speaker with charisma.

B) The newness of ones material contributes highly to how fab one’s presentation is regarded.

So all this kind of makes me wonder, every year I teach a new class, with a new curriculum I develop. I always thought when I got three or four classes developed I would just start rotating through those. But will the spark be gone if I do that? Is the new material I develop each year what makes me such a fab speaker?

Crap.

I’ve been thinking Thursday…skill behind the wheel

~ tahenryauthoress ~ Leave a comment

If you’ve known me a while, which most of you haven’t, you know I’m pretty careful about the kiddo. For example, on long road trips, I set cruise control so I don’t speed. This is excruciating for me because I used to pride myself on beating my best long distance time, every time I road-tripped. But times they a change and I’ve had to change with them.

So picture the scene, I am driving a winding mountain pass at the speed limit with little effort. Hello, I live in the foothills of the Cascades. I drive winding mountain roads daily. I pass almost everyone on the road without speeding. Why? Because if you don’t do it daily, you don’t have those skills. The average car I pass is going 15-20 miles below the speed limit. Great. Know your limits, drive within them.

Then we get the straight away. I am still doing the speed limit (on cruise control), and all those cars I passed are flying by me at 80, 90, 100 miles an hour. I’m jealous, I admit it. But what comes to mind is this: if you can’t drive a curving pass at more than 40, you have no business doing a 100 anywhere. One car swerving slightly into your lane, one animal crossing the road, one unexpected lane change….you don’t have the skills to handle it. And bam, bang, boom, car crash.

Right?

Fiendish Friday: Swimsuits

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 8 Comments

Seriously, what has this world come to?

I ordered a really cute bathing suit online (don’t get me started on shopping in store for that) and when it came, I literally could not figure out how to put it on.

Let that sink in for a minute.

I needed instructions for how to put on a swimsuit.

Maybe the problem isn’t the world, maybe it’s me?

Anyone else confused by swimwear these days?

Fiendish Friday: Actor?

~ tahenryauthoress ~ 4 Comments

Last Friday was the last day of co-op. I posted about that. And yes it was sad and yes I cried a little. shrug. I’ll miss those little pains in the bleep.

Anyway, 20th Century World History was my last class of the day. I was trying to shoe horn in a wrap up of the 90s, a circle back around to a speaker we had regarding Israel, and a hit and run on modern terrorism, plus a little presentation on the Bad Ass Librarians of Timbuktu – all in 55 minutes.

No, I didn’t make it. LOL

Anyway, I mention Dolly the cloned sheep, while talking about science in the 90s and one of my students starts telling us about how they are trying to clone a woolly mamouth now. Which I think is awesome but the student starts explaining how dangerous that is. And so I ask, what are you afraid they’ll pull a Jurassic Park next? Which of course he argues is already happening. So I say in total jest, you think I should drop my hubs and get with Chris Pratt so I can survive the dinosaur apocalypse?

Then entire class busts out laughing. Probably because Chris Pratt and their over hill the teacher is a hysterical thought. One student, however, says “You know he’s just an actor right?” like he’s not quite sure I know that.

ROFL

Nope, still ROFL.

It will be 3.75 months before I get this kind of humor on a regular basis again.